Surrender

Music on

then words on paper

black and white,

he prefers colors

Blue mostly, then orange and purple-

Its not too late. 12:58 am.

The water leaks in the bath tub-

The sound of the fridge. Hums.

It hums.

3 minutes have passed by

It feels pretty calm. Water drip drops

drip dropping into the drain of bad plumbing.

The squinted light of unforgotten memory

begins to fade away

Memory of sight

of dim lights

candles and romance-

Memory of love

pictures of friendly hugs and intimate kisses

Even memory of smell

Oriental fragrances and Lebanese cuisine

1:11 am. He closes his eyes.

He makes a wish (superstitious of number 7)

Drip drop drip drop drip drop (fading)

and the volume of the speaker

seems to get louder

and louder

He takes one deep breath

and gradually sinks

sinks into the “what ifs” of his life-

music heard—song recognized

random lyrics

“what if god was one of us

Just a slob like one of us

Trying to make his way home”…

words scatter on the shores of

his relaxed mind

free from existential meaning

he tries to think of god

without judgment

without punishment

without religion

he tries to think of slob

without dirt

without slime

without shit

he tries to think of home

without family

without safety

without love

free from existential meaning

and he sinks into a state of REM

down the winding subconscious

subway

and reaches the doorway of his slumber

and there,  just before total submission

to embracing the warmest silence-

he quickly blinks (so as to not lose his drowsiness)

at his watch:

its 1:34 am.

He is ready now.

ZS. 22-9-14